A Gift with a Catch

It’s been years since I’ve received a gift from the opposite sex. I believe the last time I did was when Dodger gave me the Sorry/Valentine roses. But when I do receive something from a man, I would rather it be from someone that I’m close to and in an actual relationship with. Or if it’s a special occasion, then that’s acceptable.

While I was working yesterday, I received a phone call from a local florist that there was a delivery for me. I was confused, and I actually thought for a minute as to whether or not it was my birthday. I realized that’s not for another six months. So what was this delivery all about?

I asked the guy on the phone what was being delivered. He said a dozen beautiful roses. I said I have no idea who would send me that and asked if he could tell me who it was from. He read the note and said the name. At first I thought they got the name wrong, as I have been talking to someone recently with a similar name but never expected roses. Had it been from that person, then it would have been acceptable, because we’ve developed a friendship.

When I returned home, I read the card, and the name of the person who sent it still confused me. I only know one person by that name, and he fixed the brakes on my car (I paid him), but there was no way he could know where I live, so I asked a mutual acquaintance if she had given him my address. I didn’t think she would do that anyway, but I had to ask. She hadn’t. So I had to text this guy to ask if he sent something to my house. Yes, it was him. Not only was it a disappointment knowing it was from this guy and not someone that I had an actual friendship with, it felt creepy.

I asked how he got my address. It was on the packing slip of the brake parts I had ordered. I messaged our mutual friend what happened, and I guess she went off on him. Then he started sending me text messages that he was pissed I told her, that he doesn’t want her knowing what he does. Blah blah blah. Too fucking bad.

He had already asked me out earlier in the week, and I made it very clear I’m not interested in anything with him. We really don’t know each other, and he’s way too old for me. I actually busted out crying, because I felt this was a complete violation on his part to send something to my home. And did I mention I clearly told him I’m not interested? He’s not someone I’d ever date, and I’ve already been warned about him doing creepy shit like this. I just didn’t think it would happen, as I’ve kept my distance.

This morning he sent me a text with a picture of the packing slip that had my address on it. What is the point of that? I’m ignoring him.

After the 2am rude awakening from last week, this set me over the edge. I don’t understand why men think the way they do or why they think it’s okay to cross boundaries. It’s just fucking creepy.

Rude Awakening

I often wonder what the hell goes through people’s heads. The stupid or bizarre things I’ve come across seem endless. The older I get, the less my tolerance is for bullshit. The older I get, the more clearly I can see how selfish and self-centered some people are, only interested in their own benefit without a care in the world how they make other people feel.

The other night (a weeknight, no less) I happened to be awake around 2am. I think I hear a knock on my door. I look out my kitchen window and see a male figure but can’t make it out. I ask who it is and what they want. He says a name I didn’t recognize and was looking for me.

I said, “I don’t know anyone by that name, and I don’t know who sent you here or what the hell you’re doing here, but it’s 2am, and you need to get the fuck out of here right now and don’t ever come back!”

He practically ran down the driveway. It was when he pulled out that I recognized the truck and who it was. It turns out that I did know this person, but I hadn’t seen or heard from him in at least a year! I had forgotten all about him. And it was very unlike him to do something like that, since it had never happened before.

I couldn’t believe the nerve of this asshole coming to my house in the middle of the night after a year of no contact. I mean, did he actually think I’d let him in? I was a little creeped out by the whole thing. I didn’t feel threatened, but how do I know this person hadn’t gone down the wrong path, especially since his behavior seemed out of the ordinary? Something is seriously wrong with someone who does that. I don’t need that kind of b.s. in my life.

A Failed Lunch Date with Mr. Retired Military

Please pay the bill so I can leave. 

Someone I’d started talking to on Tinder about a year ago disappeared until recently. This time, I saw him on Bumble looking for a long-term relationship. Retired military. Similar interests. A couple of years older than me. We agreed to finally meet in person for lunch and possibly the beach afterwards. I decided to basically dress in beach wear, which included a tank top and shorts over my bathing suit. I certainly wasn’t dressed to impressed, but if a man is going to like me, he’d better learn I don’t like to wear much makeup or get all fancy just to eat lunch.

He arrived before me, had ordered a beer. Within 30 seconds of meeting, I knew immediately that it wasn’t going to work. He was definitely not into me whatsoever. He didn’t look me in the face when he spoke, which is a huge indicator of low self-esteem and possibly deception. During the entire conversation, he never asked me a thing about myself except if I had kids or not. He spoke entirely about himself, the women he’s dated over the past several months, the threesome with some 20-something year olds, his sex drive, and he made inappropriate comments about other women that came into the restaurant.

For example, he made a comment about a young woman (probably in her early 20s) that she was super skinny. Another comment he made about a different young woman (also probably 20s) that her ass was too narrow. I reminded him of her age and told him she’s proportional. It was quite irritating to be on a “date” with someone making these comments, all the while I’m wondering what he’s judging on my own body. But I really didn’t give a shit, since I know nothing is perfect when you’re 45, and without surgery, it’s not going to get any better! I sat there thinking I can’t wait for this date to end.

The conversation went to health issues, of which he has some major stuff going on. He told me all about his prostate and other issues with his ballsack, so I decided fair game and began talking about my period. That shut him up really quick.

Then he started telling me all about his crazy ex-girlfriend (apparently, her social media still has “in a relationship” with him and a lot of their photos) and another woman he dated… said she was crazy, even had those “crazy eyes” that his friends warned him about. He showed me a photo of them together, which I thought was tacky as shit, but yes she did have those crazy eyes. I asked how long ago they dated, and here’s where it gets interesting. They met at the very end of December. Now this is only the middle of February, so obviously they didn’t last long and he’s already back on the dating sites. Oh and did I forget to mention the many chicks that spend the night on the boat he lives on and the ones he hooks up with at his favorite bar? Classy!

After about a two-hour lunch, he was checking his phone and texting his friends that wanted him to meet them downtown to go drinking. A few minutes later he tells me he’s going to go. I was still sitting there with half of a beer left thinking how rude of him!! He actually left me sitting there at a table by myself, so I gritted my teeth, shook my head, and walked up to the bar and had a nice conversation with the bartender about what a douche my date was.

Later that evening, Mr. Retired Military texted me that he was back at his boat, and he could fall asleep. I replied, “I bet,” to which he replied, “You can come sleep also.”

Me: Yeah I will at my house.
Him: Good choice.
Me: I know boundaries. Plus I already know you’re not interested in me whatsoever.

No reply. Douche.

Orange Crush – A Love Story

(**Note: This is a true story that happened to me last summer.)

They met on a dating app. Chatted a bit before finally meeting up at a local hangout. She ordered a beer. He ordered an Orange Crush. They clicked immediately. Said their goodbyes and planned another date for the weekend.

A bonfire. Her friends. He was charming and likeable. He excited her. The conversations and make-out sessions were incredible. He was fun and funny and nurturing, which is what she needed. They had just about everything in common – their beliefs, their activities, the things they wanted out of life. She had never felt this way before, not even when she was married.

She held back on sex. She was skeptical. He, on the other hand, was just having fun. She wasn’t aware of his intentions, but they grew closer and she trusted him. Eight dates later, she gave herself to him. He made her cum three times.

Intense. Intimate. She met some of his family. Two months. She knew she was falling for him, but she couldn’t tell him. She was afraid of rejection, because he hadn’t expressed his feelings to her. But he had made comments that reflected they’d have a future together, talking plans of things months in advance. He’d assured her that he wanted to be with her and it would take something big to make him leave. She insisted she did not want her heart broken again. He held her as though he loved her, held her in a way no one ever had. Whether or not he loved her, she would never know.

Three months into it, she went to visit her family for a week. Figured the break would make them closer. She’d sent friendly texts while she was away. He barely responded. Maybe he was working a lot. Maybe he was just busy or tired. Then she started to panic. Gut feelings about no responses.

She returns from her trip. He wasn’t even aware she was back. As if they were only part-time acquaintances and nothing more. Her heart was sinking into her stomach. What had happened?

He finally messages her. He was busy. He wasn’t avoiding her. He missed her. She smiled for the first time in a few days.

The communication stopped again. She still hadn’t seen him in over a week. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to see her again. She assumed he’d gone back to his ex or met someone else, because that’s what men do. So she asked him. He replied that he did not. That he needed to get some things in his life together. No other explanation. All text messages.

The communication stopped completely. She was left clueless and dumbfounded. She poured her heart out to him. She realized she was in love for the first time in several years. He blocked her as if she meant nothing. He was her Orange Crush.

One Time I Dated a Dodger…

A few months after I’d moved out of the house I shared with my husband, a couple of girlfriends that I hadn’t known for long invited me out for drinks with them one night at a sports bar. There was a man there about my age that was clearly drunk with some younger guys watching a game. He wore a scully cap, which I thought made him look like an old man. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw him was, He looks like an alcoholic. Then my friends introduced me to him. (I’ll just refer to him as “Dodger.”) Dodger was funny and nice, just drunk and loud at the time. I didn’t stay long and went home.

About a month later, I ran into Dodger a few more times. He was in much better condition, really fun to talk to, and we had a lot in common. We flirted once, then I thought he disappeared, so I did, too. Dodger and I didn’t run into each other again until right before the Christmas holiday. We started to hang out and get to know each other more. He seemed like a great person, but not someone I could see myself with long-term. I was so newly single and knew I didn’t want to deal with anyone’s shit, but having a friend was something I needed. The truth was, I didn’t mind the company, especially during the lonely, dreadful holidays.

Although paperwork had been filed, the judge hadn’t yet signed my divorce papers, and I certainly wasn’t ready for a relationship. Dodger and I dated for about two and a half months. He took me out on a real date once – to dinner at a sushi place and his favorite bar. I often cooked (expensive) meals, and he stayed at my house more than his own. The next “real” date we were supposed to have was at a comedy club. We ate crummy food at a crummy bar he liked, and when we got to the comedy club, it had been canceled at the last minute. We ended up going to a nightclub that I hadn’t been to in ages, but was known for the “older” crowd when I was in my 20s. Almost no one was in the place, but we decided to stay since we were dressed to go out. We ordered drinks and had a good time, but when the check came, things got weird. The bill was like $70, and Dodger only had $30 on him. I only carry credit cards, so I picked up the majority of tab including the tip. Nothing was ever discussed about the difference after that.

The last date Dodger and I went on was supposed to be exciting. I had seen Elton John in concert before, so I knew how great his show was. I asked Dodger if he was interested in going, because I would see Elton again if he did. He said sure, he’d give me the cash for his ticket, since he didn’t have credit cards to purchase them, and he’d drive and pay for parking and dinner the night of the concert. So I purchased the tickets. We had dinner at my house, because we ran out of time to go out. I drove. I paid for parking. I bought my two beers during the concert. And then Dodger acted like a douche the entire night. He walked really far in front of me on our way in, even crossing the street before I could allow cars pass to cross myself. He pouted inside the entire time, was super antisocial, didn’t act like he was having a good time at all. I was pissed that I’d spent all of this money going to something I’d already seen just so this man-child big-baby asshole could ruin the night. Of course Elton was great, but the rest of the experience sucked.

Then about a week later, Dodger lied to me, and I caught him red-handed. He was acting very strange and had been since the Elton incident. He’d gotten paid that day and claimed he was doing laundry (at a laundromat) and would be over. He was going to get some takeout and asked what I wanted, so I told him sushi. When he showed up he just about shoved the bag of food in my face and acted all pissed off and said he had to go back and pick up his laundry. I was like what’s wrong, what happened? He didn’t really say much and said he had to get his laundry, he’d be back.

Knowing that the laundromat was a 20-minute round trip at the most, forty minutes had gone by and no Dodger. I called him, he didn’t answer. I waited ten more minutes, still nothing. This was very unlike him. He finally called back saying he’d just gotten home and was tired and going to stay in. We hung up. My intuition told me something wasn’t right. I just knew it. His favorite bar was only about a mile from my house, so I jumped in my car and lo-and-behold, there was his truck sitting in the parking lot! Busted! While I was sitting in the parking lot, I took a photo of his truck and texted it to him, assuming he was inside the bar. He came running out, lying that I misunderstood him. I didn’t want to hear it. In my mind, I was done with him. But I happened to be moving into a new place the following week and needed his help, unfortunately.

The following day, beginning around 7 a.m., Dodger started calling me apologizing. I didn’t answer, let it go to voicemail, heard his crackling sorry ass voice and still didn’t want to speak to him. I had to work anyway, so I just let it go to voicemail all day. He sounded pretty worried, as he should have. I did nothing to deserve his shitty treatment. When I arrived home, Dodger had left a dozen red roses at the door, along with a sappy card. While it was a nice gesture, I already knew that a man like him wasn’t going to last in my life, because I’d never trust him again. I did end up speaking to him again, and yes, still hanging out like usual. But I didn’t feel the same.

Two days after the Laundromat Lie incident was Valentine’s Day. We visited a park and took a walk on the beach. He claimed he wanted to take me out to eat that evening, but he didn’t. He considered his “sorry roses” as my Valentine’s gift. I hadn’t realized those two went hand in hand.

Dodger helped me move from the house I was renting to another location, so there was one redeeming quality about him. The new place was about 10 miles farther than the two miles he used to live down the road from me, and I don’t think he liked the drive even though it was closer to his job. Then one day he just stopped communicating with me out of the blue. I wanted to end it for sure so I contacted him telling him how I felt and asked him for the money he still owed me for the Elton John ticket. He was a dick to me and hung up on me, saying he didn’t have the money (even though he was sitting in a bar while he was on the phone).

Dodger had only given me $100 towards the $160 ticket. He kept dodging me and even blocked me from his phone when I’d ask him about it each payday. I mean come on, he couldn’t spare $20 a check to pay me back for HIS ticket?? So I contacted him through Facebook and told him I could really use the money he still owes me for the concert ticket. His reply?

“You want me to pay for a date we went on two months ago?”

What a prick.

Two months later, he moved in with a girl his daughter’s age and knocked her up. Better her than me! I’m glad I never ran into him again.

Then Someone Talked Me Into Tinder…

When I initially started Tinder swiping, I had no idea what I was doing, so I swiped left on everyone. Also, my settings were for such a wide mileage and age range, I was getting people from their 20s to 50s, most of them too far away. Then I started over, because I finally figured out how to work the app. I met a few people that never lasted more than one meet up. Usually, they were too immature or not who they claimed to be.

The first guy I met from Tinder was close to my age, claimed to be 5’10” in his profile. He was a serial vaper, held no conversation whatsoever, and didn’t even offer to pay for my bottled water at the place we met. He seemed more into his obnoxious vaping and himself than anything else. Truly a boring experience! As we left the place, when he stood up, he was much closer to my own height of 5’4”, which made him a liar, too. Neither of us contacted the other again, and I never saw him again. No loss there.

Another guy was maybe 5 years younger, former military, and talked a lot about himself. We saw each other a few times until I realized he was batshit crazy and a player. He’s been in a long-term relationship since.

There was one Tinder date that led to more dates, and he was much younger than me… by like 15 years. He was former military, tattooed, and bearded… and extremely short. Like my height. We had a nice time together until he was extremely late (45 minutes to an hour) meeting up more than once or just blew me off altogether. I’d had enough of him wasting my time and told him so. It turned out he’d met someone else and didn’t have the balls to tell me. But this guy kept in touch with me, I suppose “just in case”, because he contacted me again after they’d broken up until he moved onto the next girlfriend that he’s currently with.

I had my fair share of younger guys wanting to date me. Why not give them a chance, I thought? I mean, if Demi Moore and Madonna can do it, why can’t I? After all, I certainly wasn’t looking to get married again, and I needed to have fun. Plus, they made me feel young and wanted again. It was kind of a refreshing self-esteem booster after having been crushed and feeling unattractive. But that didn’t last long either, because I was done raising children. Yes, these guys in their 20s were fun, but that was it. They could offer me nothing. They were takers, not givers. At that point, I was done with Tinder, because it seemed like there was no one my age using it at the time.

And then some girlfriends introduced me to someone unexpectedly… to be continued.

Dating – The Beginning

After being single now for just over four years, I’m dreading Valentine’s Day once again. This Hallmark holiday is a miserable way of reminding those of us that haven’t found true love that we may as well keep adopting cats. But the truth is, cats have been more enjoyable and loving than my dating experiences for the past four years, so maybe I’ll just have to stick to them.

After being in an 8-year (mostly sexless) relationship, dating was something I had to relearn, and I was never good at it to begin with. Dating is not like riding a bicycle – it changes over the years, and it can be excruciating when you fall or get hit with something you don’t expect. At least with a bicycle, I can see the road ahead of me and prepare for the bumps and hanging branches along the way. Not so much when it comes to dating after ending a marriage or other long-term relationship. To top it off, I was still living under the same roof as my ex.

One of the first challenges of dating was how and where to actually meet anyone in my own age range, so I did what a lot of people do and went to online dating sites and apps. What a waste of time and energy! I consider myself an open and honest person, and naively, I assumed most other people were as well. Not so when it comes to online dating! Even a lot of my friends that do it or have done it agree what a nightmare it can be.

First I started out on one of the most popular sites, PoF, which I have nicknamed Plenty of Sharks. It was quite overwhelming, because anyone can message you, even if you aren’t interested, and I was bombarded with so many messages I didn’t have time to read most of them. I got nowhere there except a bunch of losers that got angry at me for not being interested in them, along with men that lied about who they were

At the time, I wasn’t interested in men that wanted anything long-term. All I wanted was to meet friends and see where it went. I wasn’t interested in men my father’s age or close to it. I wasn’t interested in men with photos of themselves giving the middle finger or sticking out their tongues like 12-year-olds. I was interested in educated men, which can be a challenge where I live, since most were not.

I did end up meeting someone I’d gone to high school with and hadn’t seen in years. He turned out to be a total psycho control freak when I couldn’t answer his text messages every 10 minutes while I was working as a schoolteacher or if I was too tired to drive all the way to his house after work. He didn’t last, and he was pretty desperate to be on his third marriage, which he successfully managed a year later… and then he contacted me two years later on his third child and divorce all in one. No, thank you!

Then I met another guy online that seemed really nice. He was from the Northeast and was moving near my area, so we kept in touch for about a month or so until he moved down. When we actually met in person, it was for a yearly biker event, so he picked me up on his Harley and off we went. We were having a great time, ran into some of my friends, and ended the evening cordially. I didn’t know if I wanted to see him again. I mean, he was nice, but something was missing. Plus, technically, I hadn’t even filed for divorce yet, so I wasn’t looking to jump into something long-term, but I think he was.

I’m not exactly sure what happened from that point until the following crazy texting happened, but he accused me of “using” him to get to this biker rally. I wasn’t sure what he meant at all, because I had other means to get there. I reminded him that I paid for half of the drinks (mine and his), so if I were “using” someone, that never would have happened. His texts became more strange, and then he called me a bitch. At that point, I blocked him and wiped my hands of his nonsense. He later found me somehow and apologized to me, but so what? It was too late, and he’d already proved himself to be a huge red flag that I didn’t need in my life.

Shortly after that, someone had introduced me to Tinder… to be continued.