This morning I awoke to a dream that felt completely real. What sucks about it is that it’s been nearly a year that I broke up with Orange Crush, and I still see him around. I still think about him, even though I try not to, but thanks to those goddamn Facebook memories, it reminds me of all of the time we spent together last year. So dreaming this brought back the feelings I had and have been trying to brush off and move on.
In the dream, OC and I were both at the same place where something was going on, but I can’t remember what exactly. He was with his regular crew of guys. I’m not sure if I was alone or with friends. We made eye contact, and he came over and sat next to me. He held my hand and looked at me the way he used to, but never said a word. All of the feelings I had had for him came back. I felt as if we picked up where we left off. In some part of the dream, people were being called up by name to do something. I cannot remember what it was about, maybe an interview or something along those lines. My name was called and I had to go, but when I came back, OC was gone. I remember being very disappointed and looking for him. There was no sign of him, and then I woke up.
Being that today is a shitty weather day, it just compounded some of my open wounds, because now I’m stuck inside alone again. Doing my best to keep busy with art and writing projects and listening to funny things or happy music… but I’m still finding myself crying off and on throughout the day. I fucking hate this, and I’m beginning to feel pretty pathetic that I still haven’t gotten over this guy. I was so happy being with him, and it all just ended so abruptly. I just want those happy feelings again.