Knowing What I Want in a Relationship

It’s been over a year ago that I wrote down exactly what I want in a partner. Finding anyone to fit the criteria has been a challenge. While some people (that have never seen the list) think that I’m setting my expectations too high, I disagree. In my past relationships, I have always settled for less than I want. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve what I really want or didn’t think it existed, but that got me nowhere in the long run. Even in my recent dating life, I have overlooked some things just because there are no other options (besides sitting home with my cat), and I still felt like I was selling myself short.

The criteria I have set isn’t out of the ordinary. Asking for things like loyalty, honesty, considerate, stable, etc., are just basic things we all want. But believe it or not, even those things can be difficult to come across in the world of dating. Someone that brings out the best in me and appreciates me is not asking for too much. And I don’t care what anyone says – physical attraction has to be there – because I have also settled in the past and ended up repulsed once their true attitude came out.

Earlier this week, someone made a comment to me twice – “No wonder you’re still single at your age.” Really? Still single? I was married for 8 years, so I’m just single again. I’m not settling just to be in a relationship, because I’m not needy like that. And the age comment was just stupid. Plenty of people my age and older have been single for years. Plenty of people my age and older have never even given marriage a shot, so anyone that thinks that me being single is an issue can seriously shove it. And of course, the older we get, the more narrow the dating field is. I’d take being single over being in an unhappy relationship any day of the week.

And I know I’ve said I’m never going on a dating site ever again. But a few people have said to try the Match site, because people have to pay to contact/reply, etc., and it helps filter out a lot of idiots like the free sites and apps. So I went ahead and signed up on Match for three months. The thing I do like about it is they match with what both parties are looking for, even though some are contacting me that clearly do not meet my standards. I’m getting plenty of emails and chatting with some people. I’m not jumping at meeting anyone immediately, because I think it’s important to feel them out for a good week. If they have a “must meet now” attitude, sayonara, because those are usually the types that want to jump into something and turn out to be control freaks. Having respect for my needs is another thing right up there on my list… which is NOT asking for much at all.

4 thoughts on “Knowing What I Want in a Relationship

  1. I’m single for 5 years too, but I have been in a committed mono relationship for 4 months, so maybe I’m not single?! Regardless, I’m in the early stages after a LONG marries of 20 years, so this feels like exhaling rather than breathing in and out in a regular pattern! Anyway, I’m totally with you and your standards – plus this comment: “And of course, the older we get, the more narrow the dating field is. I’d take being single over being in an unhappy relationship any day of the week.” Yes x 1000

  2. You’re NOT asking for too much! Many people get all hung up on how long they’re single, like if you haven’t found someone within some specified time period (say, a year) then you’ll never find love again or somesuch bullshit. NEVER settle! NEVER! Being single for longer than you would like to be is soooo much better than settling and then having to break up all over again when it doesn’t work out, like you knew it wouldn’t. Been there, done that. It sucks. Trust me.

    1. Thanks for your input! I’ve been single for exactly 5 years now. While at times it can be lonely, it can still be lonely in a relationship and feeling trapped. I’ve had a few very short term (2-3 months) relationships but couldn’t stay in them.

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