What They Really Mean on Dating Sites…

As soon as I see a profile picture that I don’t like, I automatically write that person off. Too many photos with drinks in their hands usually means they spend a lot of time in bars. Sticking their tongues out is just immature and stupid. Middle fingers probably means they’re angry and immature. Blurry photos and too far away? Fugly.  Too many shirtless pics (or any if they’re not at the beach or in the water) probably means they’re in love with themselves. Too many bathroom selfies… no friends? Lol Seriously…

But sometimes they write things (or don’t write things) that are red flags. For example, if they write nothing on their profile, then they’re not serious about a relationship at all. They’re too lazy to write anything, and therefore too lazy to put any effort in a relationship. But there are things they sometimes do write that have other interpretations. This is my list so far:

“If you want to know, just ask” = too lazy to fill out profile (see above)

“School of Hard Knocks” = spent some time behind bars

“NSA (No strings attached)” = wants to get laid

“Looking for fun” = wants to get laid

“Newly single” = wants to get laid

“Just looking to make friends” = wants a friend with benefits

“My kids are my world” = no time for a relationship

“I work a lot” = no time for a relationship

“Old fashioned” = a woman’s place is in the kitchen

“Please have no drama” = loves drama and invites it

“Drama free” = more dramatic than a 14-year-old girl

Would anyone like to add to this list? Comment below…

Online Dating is Exhausting… Even When it’s a Good Date

In my last post, I talked about dating being exhausting when people are energy vampires. But online dating itself is even worse. Before the actual date happens, having to read through 150 emails from pursuers is a daunting task, because you also have to view/read their profiles to see who these people are before answering them. It’s practically a job in itself. 90% of mine either get deleted or I politely tell them we are not a match. For most, they are thankful I even answer them.

For some, they want to know why we aren’t a match. Most of the time, I can tell whether or not they’ve read my profile, so I tell them just that. For example, if they are separated or still married, they obviously didn’t read my profile. Who the hell wants to date a married man? Not me! Or the age difference is too great – too young or too old doesn’t work for me either – and some (especially the younger ones) cannot seem to understand that. And at this point in life, I’m not interested in dating men with small children, and it seems there are so many in their 40s and 50s with small children.

And some act like it’s the end of the world if you don’t get back to them right away. Those are the “red flag” ones that I won’t even bother to answer at all if they can’t understand that most people don’t have time to sit on a dating site all day long to answer questions. One guy practically cried that I wasn’t interested… he said he was “a really nice guy” blah blah blah so why wouldn’t I go out with him? Seriously. I told him if he’s such a nice guy, he will find a match. This is exactly the type of crap that makes online dating exhausting. No one wants to open messages and have to deal with that.

But then there are the good dates that confuse the shit out of us. After Super Needy Guy, I met someone I was actually attracted to and had more in common with. Coach was in his early 50s and lived about an hour from me but frequents my area. I even met his sister and brother-in-law that were visiting. Coach is well-educated, good looking, polite, and seemed to have his shit together. We had a great time, and we both said we’d like to see each other again.

Coach was supposed to come back the following weekend, but something came up. Then I didn’t hear from him for about a week. I started suspecting he’s probably dating other women because he’s active on the Match site (yes it tells you that also!) or maybe he’s just a player, because to have a good date and then for someone to just fall off the radar is usually how it goes. And I don’t know how I missed it, but I went back to read his profile, and it said “I’m looking for women…” and that’s when I realized it was written in plural. Coach wasn’t looking for one woman, but still wanted something for the long run. No wonder I hadn’t heard from him. And due to his profession, location, and good looks, I’m pretty certain he’s surrounded by a multitude of beautiful women to choose from. So in my mind, I labeled him as a player.

Then I finally did hear from Coach. Match tells users when someone views their profile, so Coach said he “stopped in” and saw that I’d viewed him, asked how I was, and I wasn’t sure why he was messaging me on the site since he has my actual phone number. I would ask him questions, and he would avoid them. Very strange and very shady. Then I didn’t hear from him again for about two weeks. By then, I’d written him off.

So two weeks later, he said he may be coming back into my area that weekend and wanted to know if my friend’s place was available to rent for the night. I gave him her info and didn’t hear from him for a few more days. Coach messaged me that weekend and said he wasn’t going to make it on Saturday, but made plans with me to do a beach walk on Sunday morning. I thought it would be something fun and normal to do… I mean, I haven’t been on a beach walk with a man in I can’t remember how long.

Sunday came around. Coach was a no call, no show. I wasn’t sure if he ever made it into the area, so I texted him that afternoon saying I guess you didn’t make it over here? He said no, he decided to stay in his area and take a bike ride. Mmmmkay. I said well thanks for letting me know.

His reply? “Sorry, my bad.”

How fucking rude! That was the last I heard from him. Obviously, he’s a player and has zero respect for my time. So even though the date was good, the after-date was total bullshit. I don’t have time for that, either!

Dating is Exhausting When People are Needy

A few of my friends are using online dating sites, and so am I. I decided instead of just using one site, I’d use multiple to increase my chances. Often, I have found others doing the same, because I recognize their photos. But even one site can be exhausting to use. I mean, by the time you match and initially chat, sometimes several days have gone by. If an actual meetup happens at all, the aftereffects seem to be tiresome.

After having a conversation with a girl friend, we both questioned if online dating is even worth it. Of course we all have expectations, no matter how hard we try not to. However – when someone presents himself (or herself) online to be a certain type of person, we expect that what is what we get. Not always accurate. In fact, so far seems inaccurate 99% of the time.

I like to chat for a few days or a week to feel them out, because many times they get weird before the first meet even happens, and I don’t want to waste my time on weirdos. The first date I had thru the Match site seemed a little too eager to me to meet so quickly, but he was persistent, and I hadn’t been feeling that well, so my guard wasn’t as strong as it should have been. This guy was about 50, seemed okay to talk to, and we agreed to meet at a restaurant for a couple of drinks before proceeding. I will refer to him as Super Needy Guy.

Super Needy Guy showed up wearing something like gym clothes, drove an old beater, and was a lot scruffier in person than in his photos. I knew immediately I was not physically attracted to him. Still, I’m not opposed to meeting new people even if we only remain as friends. Conversation was pretty easy, but he’d told me a lot of info that I wasn’t sure was the type you should tell anyone on the first date. He’d been adopted, treated differently than the natural born children, and said he grew up with a German shepherd as his best friend. It was a sad story, but it certainly gave a lot of perspective on his neediness. After two beers, we decided to part. This was a Saturday.

The following day, I had to work, and Super Needy Guy knew this. While I was getting ready for work, he texted me. I had no time to answer. I got to work and Super Needy Guy texted me a few more times and even tried calling me. That in itself annoyed the hell out of me. Total red flags there. Besides, I still wasn’t feeling well and didn’t need the extra pressure of having to answer to someone.

I waited until after work to text him that I wasn’t feeling well. He immediately texted back and I answered him. Then he tried calling me again… I turned off the call and let it go to voicemail. I wasn’t in the mood to talk after having worked all day and having a sore throat. The thing is – he knew this, but his neediness overtook my need for my health and well-being. No thank you. Then he had the nerve to text me and say he tried calling but it went straight to voicemail, as if I was obligated to answer to him. Fuck that!

He continued texting me the following day and the day after, and to me it was just too much. Apparently, he had a lot of time on his hands, even at his job. By Tuesday I was growing tired of it all, not to mention I either had terrible allergies or something else going on and in no mood to deal with it.

Super Needy Guy kept texting me that he wanted to meet up again to see if there’s any chemistry. I finally told him that honestly, there was no chemistry on my part. I guess that pissed him off, because he said “no more free drinks” (remember, I only had two beers) and that “seems most women play the games their profile says they don’t want. No worries, I will delete your number, I don’t waste time on someone who isn’t interested. No need to text back…” blah blah blah…

Oh. My. God. How dramatic! It was one date and two beers, and I was already exhausted. Talk about a total energy vampire! I reminded him that not only was I working a lot, I was also not feeling well and told him he was too pushy and too fast for my pace and sorry if my two beers seemed like I was playing a game – that it was one date, not a handful.

I never heard from him again, and boy was I glad! But he exhausted me to the point that I didn’t want even want to bother going out on another date. It seriously took me a good week or so to recover. No more energy vampires!