Does he really like me, or does he just want sex?

Dear Susanna,

I met this new guy but I’m not sure if he really likes me or is just another player. How do I tell if he’s really interested or just wants to get laid?

— Aly

Dear Aly,

I’m sure most women can relate to this question, and sometimes it really is difficult to know if a man really likes you or just wants to lay it down. While some guys are easy to weed out, others play the cat and mouse game and will wait for sex… and then promptly dump you. It seems there are fewer men that act like gentlemen anymore, but they are out there! (Just don’t ask me where.)

When a guy is truly interested in getting to know you as a person, he will ask questions about you, show concern for your well-being, act considerate, take you out and treat you like a lady, and keep a healthy amount of communication. Oh yeah, and doesn’t string you along, because interested people act interested, period.

If everything is going great and there is chemistry (there should be if it’s something you want to pursue), and perhaps your bodies may want to have sex but in your mind you know it’s not time, he should accept that. If he gets angry like an Irishman or gives off some weird negative vibe or later ignores you or ghosts you, then he doesn’t respect your needs or feelings. Then you can just label him as a douchebag.

Once you get to know someone’s character enough to know for certain that the relationship is moving along, then use your best judgment as to whether or not you want to give up the cherry pie. Sometimes you never truly know, but the longer you wait, the better the chances are that he truly does care.

Hope that helps!

— Susanna

Have a question? Send it to me here

5 thoughts on “Does he really like me, or does he just want sex?

  1. After 3 years of dating (which included an intense poly relationship), I feel very qualified as a mature midlife adult to say that when people are really interested, genuine and willing to commit to you it is very obvious. Unfortunately that leaves people in the dating pool coping with less than accountable or desirable behaviour that really just upsets and frustrates those people trying to adult.

  2. lol def noticed that most of the guys I’ve been with were just in for the sex. it def seems as though apps like grindr & grizzly have changed the way people date because they’re so widespread and are usually just sex-oriented. crazy!

  3. Thank you Susanna! That really helps. You’ve just confirmed what I thought but was too afraid to admit all along. I guess I’ll just write him off as he has not contacted me in 2 weeks after our 4 hour conversation on the phone. I think it’s confirmed he’s just full of shit – and himself – a player. I’m not giving up hope though. I know the right guy is out there! ❤️

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