Who Will You Spend Your Sundays With?

I was watching a cooking show the other day, and one of the contestants talked about dating or hanging out with a guy on Friday or Saturday, but the person she wants to spend her Sundays with is the one who is really special. I haven’t spent a Sunday with anyone since OC, mainly because I haven’t met anyone that’s available on Sundays (or any other day of the week for that matter), or they are too emotionally unavailable to do anything that involves real life.

More than anywhere else, I have found that dating apps and websites tend to have the majority of emotionally unavailable men (and on the other end of the spectrum, extremely needy or desperate men). What I don’t understand is why men who don’t have time for a relationship continue looking for one and pursue women when they can’t possibly commit to anything. They work too much or they have other obligations or commitments and no time for a woman except at their convenience… so what exactly are they doing pursuing someone that is looking for more? It just seems to me they’re looking for someone to fill in the little void they have… or a fuck buddy, because since they don’t have time for anything real, what is left? You can’t get to know someone that is never there. Even President Clinton had both a wife and a girlfriend, and he had a pretty busy job…

Emotionally unavailable men leave women guessing what they’re up to, because they never seem to be around either physically or emotionally. Oftentimes emotionally unavailable men are full of compliments and attention at the beginning that reels you in and makes you feel special, so it can get confusing when their behavior suddenly changes. On the other hand, if a man is spending more time looking at his phone than at you, yet doesn’t take the time to send you a text in a timely manner, take that as a big hint that he’s not interested in you. Personally, I don’t want to waste Sunday or any other day of the week on anyone that leaves me guessing. Consistency is key.

So how do you want to spend your Sundays? I want to spend my Sundays with someone that cares enough about me to want to spend quality time with me – have breakfast together, cuddle, take it easy, go kayaking or do something fun. Just be together. I want to spend my Sundays with someone that is truly into me as a person and goes out of his way to show it. I want to spend my Sundays with someone that doesn’t leave me guessing as to how they feel about me. It doesn’t seem like asking for much, so why is it so difficult to meet someone that also wants something real?

Is He Gaslighting Me or What?

It seems like every time I call a man out on his bullshit, he stops talking to me. No big loss, however.

I met someone my age in my area that I became “friends” with, but it’s a little strange. I recognized him through social media when he came into my job a few times. Other than that, we both matched on Tinder (that I have since deleted). We haven’t actually hung out except once briefly when he did a favor for me. In the meantime, we chat strictly on a friendship level, but we have talked about dating and miscellaneous things involving dating. He seems like a really cool person to hang out with, and I have very few male friends that I actually do hang out with anymore. We’ve made “plans” a few times to have lunch or hang out, but it’s never happened. Either he stops communicating (no idea why), something comes up, he falls asleep, or he’s already in his PJs (early, like 7:30 p.m.), or whatever other excuse he’s used.

Once, he invited me over to help him do something, and I said I’d go, but was having dinner first with friends – and that turned into a late night. I felt a little bad for standing him up, but I did keep in touch and also invited him out. Another time he asked me over to cuddle. I thought that was odd, because I couldn’t exactly see myself cuddle with someone I’ve barely had a conversation with and not sure if I’m even attracted to. I mean, we’ve never even had a drink or a meal together, so I wasn’t sure if he was joking or trying to fuck me or what the hell was going on with that. I don’t even know him well enough to know if he’s joking or not. He’s never even complimented me or flirted with me in other ways. And that’s why this gets even more strange.

One night while I was having a girl’s night, he was texting me. I told him he’s welcome to come out and have a beer, but he didn’t want to. However, he told me he was feeling “frisky”. I wasn’t sure where he was going with that, so I said, “Like a cat?” He said no, so I knew what he was talking about. And he wanted me to come over. I was a little irritated at this turn in conversation after still never actually hanging out together.

I wasn’t going to buy into the sending flirty texts back and forth with someone that can’t take the time to have lunch with me. I told him that I didn’t think that was a good idea and that I’m not the girl he thinks I am. He immediately changed his tune and said he doesn’t think of me that way, that he wouldn’t be interested in someone that would do that and didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t exactly believe him, because why else would a guy tell me he’s “frisky” and invite me over after previously asking to cuddle? Then I guess he fell asleep, because I didn’t hear back from him that evening.

At some point he offered to help me hang something that I couldn’t reach – oh and a bonus – give me a massage. Now, I’m all for massages, but I have to trust the guy enough to know that’s all it’s going to be. Something came up and I couldn’t do it one day, and then something came up for him the following day.

I mentioned to him that he has a lot of ladies liking him, but he said he thinks I have the wrong idea about him. How can I not after his actions and lack thereof? He doesn’t express any interest in me whatsoever that he’d like to date me, so that’s why I was a little taken aback when the conversations took those turns. And since we barely even have a friendship, it automatically made me wonder how many other women he’s talking to like that. I mean, eventually one of these times someone is going to take him up on the offer, right? And how do I know he doesn’t already have someone else hanging around and that’s why we never actually get together, even as just friends?

I learned a few days later that instead of coming over like he said on one of these days, he was out to dinner with a group of people that included some of my friends. None of them knew that he and I know each other. So I guess I’m good enough to invite over when he’s horny but not good enough to hang with me as friends. I confronted him about it in a nonchalant way asking how dinner went. He’d had no idea I knew at least three of the people, and I mentioned how he kept blowing me off but only wanted to hang out to cuddle or when he was frisky. He quickly defended himself, saying he was only joking and sorry for the miscommunication. Okay… but I still don’t think it was that much miscommunication. I mean, if you intend to hang out with someone, wouldn’t you say something?? And how did I know he was joking? I told him I only know him by text, not in person to know when he’s joking. Again, he defended himself by saying he’s sorry and needs to recognize his audience. Still, whether or not he was joking, when someone first meets a woman and flirts, she’s not going to take it as a joke at all. Am I right or not?

I had also looked at his social media. He definitely has a lot of female admirers and “likes” a LOT of photos of sexy women in scantily clad clothing (seems to be pretty excessive for a man his age). So I also mentioned to him that he obviously likes women that are Barbie dolls, the model types. He again defended himself saying that’s not true at all and he’s sorry I came to that conclusion about him, that social media is no way to judge someone. He seemed pretty upset by my opinion and blunt honesty. He continued to defend himself, even though my very experience with him told me otherwise. Between the “joking” sexual innuendo and the scantily clad women, it’s pretty difficult to not think there’s something up.

After that text-only conversation, he hadn’t said another word to me since. So last night I asked him if he was still interested in buying something that I have for sale. He read my message, liked a bunch more women in bikinis, but never answered me. So I assumed he was upset from our last conversation and said so. He denied it, made some excuse, and once again I called him out on his shit. He thinks I have the wrong opinion of him, even though, as I said – this is based on my experience and observations.

Am I right or not? I can take constructive criticism and re-evaluate situations and such, but I’m keeping a safe distance from this guy. I feel that he’s gaslighting me. I haven’t once been flirty with him and have kept it strictly platonic in conversation. I am just bluntly honest with him… and it seems a lot of men can’t seem to handle that.

A Year in Review – Sickness, Death, Grief, & Being Alone

The other day I was thinking that a year ago I had a lot of things going on. I started out house sitting for a friend at an amazing beachside location, but ended up getting the flu that eventually turned into pneumonia. It took about three months to feel normal again. In the meantime, I had started a new job in home health care and had been on a few dates with Mr. Mixed Messages that turned out to be quite the douchebag. I was also still distraught over Orange Crush, and internally, I was a huge emotional train wreck – which I am pretty certain was part of the reason I ended up so sick.

My fevers ran so high I think I actually lost a lot of memory from that time period, because the next thing I knew, it was April. During that time, one of my childhood friends was murdered by her ex-husband in a really horrific way. Today marks the one-year anniversary. And it didn’t even dawn on me until around September that one of my other childhood friends had passed away unexpectedly during that feverish time; it was then that I actually grieved about it. I couldn’t believe that I had “forgotten” about it until I went through my phone contacts and saw his name. A few others that influenced my life also passed in 2018. And then the client I was taking care of suddenly went into decline and passed away last summer. I just couldn’t deal with that type of job anymore, so I didn’t go back to it.

Throughout the year, I revamped some of the friends I had been hanging around – particularly those that seemed interested in my business, yet weren’t around to lend a helping hand when I needed it. There was one friend in particular that I thought I was close with, but she suddenly stopped speaking to me, and I didn’t know why. I finally confronted her, and one of her reasons was when I had picked up my newest job, some of the people I worked with knew her ex (I didn’t), and she just didn’t want to run the risk of running into him. Huh??? How is that my fault? I wasn’t even hanging around the people I worked with; I just simply worked there. Another reason was because when she’d asked me for an asthma inhaler, I had gone out of my way to bring her an extra one I had. However, I had no idea it had run out; obviously, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to bring her something she couldn’t use. I guess she ended up in the ER that day… and she blamed it on me. Wow. Her excuses really pissed me off, but I realized I didn’t need anyone so fucking selfish in my life anyway.

I was alone a lot last year. I didn’t necessarily want to be alone, because with my home health care job it was like being alone most of the time, and when I was sick I was alone. Being alone doesn’t bother me, but it’s not exactly healthy to be alone that much. I started kayaking alone again, even going back to the same spot that I had fond memories of with OC. In a way I guess it was therapeutic, because I wasn’t going to let the memory of him ruin my little sanctuary… but at the same time it made me both sad and angry. I guess I was still grieving.

By the end of the year, I decided to try dating sites again, because I didn’t want to be alone. What a mistake that was. (If you’ve been reading my blog, you already know this.) I decided that being alone wasn’t so bad, and now I am just used to being alone. Now I am using this time to write, do art, take classes, kayak, read, and catch up on all of the things I’ve been either avoiding or procrastinating.

While it would be nice to have a partner (it would also be nice to have sex!), I’m just going to settle for dating myself from now on. At least I know how to entertain myself… and not pee on the toilet seat.

A Date with the Most Annoying KISS Fanatic

Friends don’t set friends up with other friends that may be crazy. But that’s not always the case. About a year or so ago after being dumped by Orange Crush, one of my friends thought she was being helpful and really wanted me to meet one of her male friends, even though I told her PLEASE… JUST… DON’T. But sometimes friends can be a little sneaky and just “happen” to invite us both somewhere at the same time. She had shown me a photo of him, and he didn’t look like my “type” – even though I don’t exactly have a type – but there was something boyishly cute about him. Maybe it was his dimples.

Kiss Fan was a few years older than me and going through a breakup (a long-term relationship that included a young child but no marriage), which immediately turned me off. I thought he seemed nice and we did have some things in common, so it was nice talking to him – once. We did some drinking and made out, but ironically, he wasn’t a very good kisser – another huge turnoff. The next time we hung out, I realized all he talked about was music from the 80s and all of the concerts he’d been to, how much of a Kiss fan he is, and showed me tons of photos of him meeting some of the band members and following them all over the place like a weirdo.

Besides bands, the only other thing Kiss Fan talked about was his ex and how she cheated on him and blah blah blah. He’s another one that I told if I have to listen to this shit again, I’m charging $2 a minute. He had absolute zero communication skills. His text messages always read stupid shit like “Hey sexy” – which told me he’s only interested in one thing. And then he would say things that made no sense, which annoyed me more. He didn’t ask me any questions or give a damn about what I had to say or anything about me. He had no depth whatsoever and was kind of exhausting to be around – but at the beginning I put up with it, probably because I still wasn’t over OC and needed a distraction.

At the time I was working two jobs and also managed to do some construction work for Kiss Fan on weekends. Even working for him was more of a chore, because I felt like I was dealing with an ADHD child at times. He flirted with me a lot, and I didn’t really care, because I needed the money. Looking back, I should have charged him for that, too. Not only was he cheap as hell, he actually drank my fucking beer. I told him most bosses would buy their employees beer for working hard, not drink it. The funny thing is, his mother showed up to the site often, so he was always on his best behavior when she was around. Then she’d leave, and he’d pretend to hump me or something else juvenile.

The more I got to know him, the more Kiss Fan got on my motherfucking nerves. A few times he showed up to my house unexpectedly when he happened to be in the area, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. (Never, ever EVER show up to my house unexpectedly unless you’re Ed McMahon with a check from Publisher’s Clearing House!) Then Kiss Fan would sit or stand there and talk all about his ex and how she’s fucking him over with her new lover. After blabbing all of that unnecessary information for 10 or 15 minutes, he would leave, and I’d be like, “That’ll be $30 for listening to your bullshit and an extra $25 for stopping in without an appointment. I take Paypal.”

The last time we were hanging out, we were sitting on my couch (the only place to sit at my house) and – I am seriously not exaggerating here – he cupped my boobs in his hands and jiggled them up and down, making some weird “doo doo doo doo doo doo” noise like a 12-year-old Star Wars fan might do.

What. The. Fuck.

I was so pissed! I threw his hands off of me and told him he had to go. Shortly after, I got another job that took over my weekends.

Still, Kiss Fan continued to text me either via regular text or Facebook messenger (we’ve never been FB friends), and most of the time I’d ignore him. He’d send me photos of himself with Kiss members he’d pay a fortune to see, and I really didn’t give a damn. At some point when I got my new job I was working every single weekend, so my social life was my job. He knew this, but continued to ask me what I was doing, if I was working… and that got old fast. After ignoring him for quite some time, he texted something to me like, “Congratulations on being in love.” I was like wtf are you talking about?? He said, “you must be in love.” I suppose because I wasn’t answering him? Maybe that’s what his mother suggested? And that really annoyed the shit out of me even more, because I haven’t even had a second date in I honestly can’t remember how long. I went off on him and told him that I have told him 1000 times that I was at my fucking job and to stop texting me stupid shit.

He stopped. What a relief! Like I always do, after a certain period of time of not speaking to someone like him, I delete them out of my phone. Then the holidays came up and I got a Happy New Year text but didn’t know who it was, so I asked. He said, “This Susanna.” I said, “Your name is Susanna?” (by then I realized who it was due to the stupidity and the area code). Then a few days later he texted me again and I didn’t answer and decided to just block him.

And this is what I’ll be doing from now on – just blocking. The energy these types of people bring into my life just brings me down and puts me in a bad mood. So no more of that!

Date with a Greek Christian Wrestler

Submitted by Guest blogger, Kayte:

I met the Christian Wrestler on POF a couple of years ago. He was really good looking – dark hair, great physique – typical Greek features. He considered himself a “Christian” wrestler (whatever that means) and had some Youtube videos of himself wrestling.

The date went well. I liked him and agreed to a second date, but the very next day I was going to NY for a two-week visit.

Christian Wrestler and I only went on one date. The next thing I know, he’s texting me, claiming to be in love with me, telling me I’m the woman of his dreams that he couldn’t live without. He said he’d do anything in his power to get me… and he also wanted to move in together when I got home. I was freaked out about the suddenness of it all, and apparently he took that as an insult. Christian Wrestler started calling me a tease and all sorts of other nasty names.

I had to block Christian Wrestler, but he kept finding me. I kept blocking him, and eventually he left me alone. I’m sure he eventually ended up finding someone that bought into his bullshit. But for her sake, I hope he didn’t!

Finnegan, Dating the Biggest Liar on the Planet

Submitted by Guest Blogger, Kayte:

I met Finnegan on Plenty of Fish a couple of years ago after a 7-year bad relationship. He was completely charming, seemed to love my children, and seemed like he would do anything for me. My friends all liked him. I was head over heels for him, and naively moved him in with us after he spun a story about how his roommate decided to move his mother back into the room he was renting at their house.

Finnegan said he was 38, never married and had no children, and he was a driver for a large beer company. We made an agreement on how we’d split the bills and rent, and I felt relieved to finally have more money to save from that. Alas, that never happened!

Not only did Finnegan never pay a dime towards rent, but he even had the nerve to borrow money from me on occasion. He worked strange hours, and at one point I became suspicious as to where he was really going each day. He came home one day smelling distinctly of sex… yes, that smell is unmistakable, and my gut told me something was up for sure!

Upon further internal reflection, I realized I knew NOTHING about this man who was living with me and my children. I’d never seen any paperwork – no paystubs, no mail, etc. He’d moved in with one box of clothes for God’s sake! My suspicions finally got the best of me and I asked my ex (a cop) to check him out for me. Who was this man really???

We were about to celebrate his 39th birthday, which according to him, would be the first birthday he celebrated in years! (Due to his mother dying on that day… more lies of course!) As it turned out, Finnegan wasn’t 38 turning 39. He was actually ten years older. He had been married and divorced. He also had two children on which he owed thousands in back child support, and he had even lied about his living situation. The roommates had actually kicked him out for not paying rent. I also found out from his ex-wife that I wasn’t the first woman to contact her about him; Finnegan has a habit of charming women with children and moving in with them, then moving on to the next one.

When confronted about his age, his excuse was, “I just don’t want to be old!!” When I called him out on all his lies, he didn’t even apologize. He just said, “Okay, I’ll move out.” Then he came home, grabbed his box, and left! Loser!

His last words to me were, “No more relationships…I’ll just have friends with benefits! I’m going to block you now.” He disappeared that day! I was so pissed because I wanted to go off on him, vent my anger and frustration… but the bastard didn’t even extend me that courtesy!

I Give Up On Online Dating

Between how my New Year started out with the Cheapskate and the crazy messages I receive from men, I just deleted my Match and another paid dating account. Tonight was the last straw with the asinine comments. Some of them aren’t even from dating sites; some of these idiots find my Instagram and start to creep. I don’t make it private, because I sell my work on Instagram and need it for that. I just can’t deal with the rudeness and ignorance and immaturity of these assholes – some 50 y/o men. At this point, I don’t want to meet anyone online, period.

I was just looking back at my old Instagram messages, and one kid (I say kid, because he was under 30) had messaged me back in September. I had no idea who he was or what he wanted, but he said he’d seen me on Tinder. At that point, I hadn’t been on Tinder since last April, so I wasn’t sure if someone made a fake account or what. No, the kid just creeped on me for months. He wanted to “talk” (in my mind, he meant text for hours and send pics eventually – no thank you!). I told him he can talk only if he wants to buy my items. He said he wants to get to know the artist first. I told him to be serious, because I don’t have time to fuck around. The idiot didn’t even know where my art was (on my page as well as my website). He took a look at it and said he liked it. I said let me know what you’d like to purchase… then I didn’t hear from him until November. He starts off with his “hey how are you” bullshit, and I asked him what he needed. He said he wanted to take me to dinner. I told him we’re not a match, I know nothing about him or even what he looks like. Again, he said he found me on Tinder, sends me a picture of himself and tells me he’s 28. I told him it’s not going to happen, and if I don’t match on Tinder, don’t come creeping on my page months later pretending to be my friend. He wouldn’t shut the hell up, which is typical of these entitled annoying kids that can’t take no for an answer. So I look at who he follows, and it’s mainly scantily clad women. He finally got the point that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me.

Another messaged me in December saying he saw me on Tinder, but this one was much older and only had 5 photos on Instagram – all of himself – posted on the same day. He immediately wanted to talk on the phone, which wasn’t going to happen. So I asked him, “Would you allow your mother, daughter, or sister to talk to a stranger without knowing a thing about them?” The idiot said yes he would, because everyone is a stranger. Again, I said I know nothing about him whatsoever, so he gave me a synopsis of his life story. I told him he lives too far away (always a great excuse!), and then he started asking me more personal questions about what I do for a living, etc. I have completely ignored him. I think it’s creepy and crossing a boundary when the woman is clearly not interested. And if they have to talk me into liking them, it makes me like them even less. It makes me feel like I’m at a used car lot.

Someone that I had actually spoken to online two years ago and suddenly blew me off (we were supposed to meet then but never did) decided to message me on Instagram the week before Christmas. He said something about doing lunch, and I reminded him that he was supposed to do that two years ago. He said it would be amazing to do dinner, too, and I told him that I was trying to decide how many men have already missed their chance. I left it at that. The following day, I received a text message from a number I didn’t recognize saying “I really adore you”. I asked who it was… no reply. I said “seriously, who is this? If you’re going to send me this shit at least tell me who you are.” No reply. I called the person a coward and never heard back. The number wasn’t listed anywhere I looked, but I had a friend that has ways to do things, and it turned out this was same guy that blew me off two years ago. What. The. Fuck. I can’t believe he still had my number and didn’t have the balls to tell me who he was. Dumbass!

Tonight I received a message from another Instagram creeper. I had no idea who he was, but apparently he found me “on a dating site” and had already messaged me before and I let him down. Still, he wanted to get together. I think I’m pretty nice about how I let this guy down, but he got all butt hurt and immediately blocked me. Good thing I didn’t go out with him, because he sounds like a real piece of work that can’t handle rejection. Oh – and we have NO mutual friends; the guy is a total creeper and has very little of anyone liking his lame photos.

Immediately after that idiot blocked me, I received this message. How this jackass found me, I have no idea, but I reported him, and I hope Instagram removes his profile.

I’m not joking when I say this all happened in the same evening – like literally back to back. I was checking my messages on Match and another site. I specifically say I do NOT want a married man or one in any sort of relationship. This one in particular was “married but looking” and sent me a message. It’s so fucking tiring to open messages like these and find out they’re married, so I started replying to all of them with “illiteracy runs rampant”. He was too stupid to get it, and his last reply was completely juvenile – and then he blocked me. I reported him to the site and then removed my profile.

I don’t have time for this shit. I’d rather sit home on a Friday night watching “Killer Women” on Netflix with my cat . I’m beginning to feel like online dating is slightly more dangerous than I’d imagined. I don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life, because it sure beats spending one single second of my time with any of these losers!