A Date with a Redneck

Last year I met a guy on Bumble that seemed to be nice. I will refer to him as Redneck. The first time we met he was dressed nicely and on his best behavior. Then he asked me to be his New Year’s Eve date to watch a band and meet his friends.

Like normal people do on New Year’s Eve, I got dressed up. When I arrived to meet Redneck, he was wearing jeans, a T-shirt with a flannel over it and sneakers. His friends and their wives/girlfriends were also dressed up. He ordered unhealthy food and dessert after telling me about some health issues he was having, so at that point I pretty much determined nothing is going to go further than friendship with Redneck. Oh, yeah, and his profile listed him as 4 years younger than he actually was.

Shortly after I met Redneck, I got really sick for a couple of months that eventually turned into pneumonia. He texted me a few times about going to dinner, but I either wasn’t feeling well or I had to work. A few days later, he’d been at some redneck truck show and then proceeded to invite himself to my house when he was done. I repeated I wasn’t feeling well and was going to bed early. Around 8pm the same day, he called me – sounded drunk and telling me he was eating at Wing House about 40 minutes from me. I didn’t care to talk to him, especially knowing he’d been drinking all day. Again, he said he was coming over when he was done eating. I said it’s already after 8, I’m going to bed soon. And then I saw the other side of Redneck.

Apparently, my health and well-being didn’t matter to Redneck. He started yelling, “No, I’m coming!” At first it was funny until I realized he was both serious and drunk. I said, “NO, I’m going to bed early because I want to get up and do yoga in the morning.” He said “fuck yoga! We can do that all night!” I said, “NO, I’ve been sick, I’m tired, and I don’t want anyone here. By the time you’d get here it will be like 10… that’s too late.”

He seriously started to argue with me that I’m always too busy or making excuses, fuck my excuses… I repeated that I’d been sick and I needed to get well (at this point I hadn’t yet found out I had pneumonia). At that point, he was just sounding like a dick, kept saying, “fuck yoga”, so I thought “fuck you”, hung up on him and never heard back.

About 5 months later, I went back on Bumble, and there he was with the same old, same old. I purposely swiped right to see what he would do. We matched. I told him he really fucked up, to which he replied that I did. Hmm… Nope. He did. I don’t miss him a bit.

Still Seeking Clarity

I sent this to my friend almost exactly one year ago about OC. I had been visiting family for a week when this occurred:

I don’t know what to think. The entire time I was gone up north I barely heard from OC. Last Sunday he said if he didn’t respond it’s because his phone isn’t working right (screen is cracked). I stopped messaging him to see if he’d bother to reply to me at all. He didn’t, but he did post some things on Instagram a couple of days later, so obviously his phone was working then. He liked some of my things on there, but never communicated with me. I sent him something thru the Instagram messaging system of a lion and lioness getting it on… no response. I sent him video of two cats licking each other like lovers – it was obviously me sending sexual references. All he said was that seems like a good way to get a lot of hair in your mouth. That was his only response.

I came home on Thursday. I wondered if he was on Bumble or maybe meeting someone else. So I got on Bumble, and his profile is still on there, but I don’t know if he’s active or not. So I said “I didn’t realize you were still on Bumble.” No response. Then I finally said if you don’t want to see me anymore, just tell me. You’ve been noncommunicative with me. He finally responded saying he’s just been very busy trying to catch up with everything. So I said do you have plans tonight? He said he does… going out to eat w/ his boys and then has to come home to do invoicing. I told him I missed him; he said he missed me, too. That night I found out a friend of mine died earlier this month, so I was upset. I sent him a text saying “I want to hug you so bad right now”. He may have been in bed by then, but NO RESPONSE, even the following day (Friday).

I figured last night he’d take me out to dinner or something, considering I haven’t seen him in over a week now. Never heard from him. Nothing today either (Saturday). I’m assuming he’s working, but there’s no way in hell he’s working THIS much. I’m like WTF!!! This is so weird to me, esp considering we’ve been seeing each other almost 3 months now and have spent so much time together. So I finally sent him a message 30 minutes ago saying:

“I really don’t know what to think at this point. Obviously if you wanted to see me you would have by now, even for five minutes. I feel like I’m doing all the communicating but I’m just speaking to myself. This is very confusing to me. If you met someone else or you got back with your wife or whatever just tell me. This is what happened to (another friend) when she went on vacation and came back to somebody that stopped communicating with her. Then he proceeded to dump her. Is this what you’re doing?”

So far, NO RESPONSE.

(The following morning, I awoke to a text message of him breaking up with me without any actual explanation.)

So what was I not seeing here? Obviously, I felt something was wrong, but if anyone understood how close we were, it still doesn’t make sense to me that it happened this way.

Life is Hard Enough Without Your Bullshit

Shortly after my heartbreak with OC last year, I met and made out with a guy that I somewhat connected with. Nothing ever came of it, because I found out he was back with his ex – and apparently, they break up and get back together often. This has been going on for about five years with them, but I had no idea at the time. For whatever reason, he chose to tell his ex about our encounter, so suddenly I’m a whore and a slut, according to her. Whatthefuckever.

Last week I ran into this guy again, and again, they’d broken up… “She’s psycho, etc.”… same old story from these guys. I have no issue speaking to him, because we have common things to discuss, and we followed each other on Instagram. No biggie. We said goodbye and parted ways.

Less than an hour after that encounter, I got bombarded with messages via Instagram from his ex telling me they are not over and he’s a liar and to stay out of their lives. Say what??? She was obviously “stalking” his Instagram to see who he’s following or whatever. I always take the “my ex is a psycho” phrase with a grain of salt, but this was truly crazy. She went on to say they weren’t done the last time we were talking and then proceeded to tell me he has genital warts. Nice. I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about… and gross… and have fun with your lives. I told her this is ridiculous middle school bullshit and stop contacting me. And then I had to block her.

Whether or not he lied to her or me or whomever – I don’t care. I don’t have feelings for this person and have zero intention of even hanging out with him again. But I will speak to whoever the hell I want to speak to.

I took screenshots of everything and sent it to him, to which he replied, “I told you she’s psycho.” I said, “Well who is more psycho? You keep going back to her. I’m sure you’ll be back within 24 hours. Have fun with your genital whatever you both have now.” Thankfully, I can’t catch anything from talking to him or following on social media!

F*%k Boys Need Not Apply

I don’t know if it’s because it’s summertime or what, but lately I’ve been hearing from guys I haven’t seen or heard from in months or even years. I’ll get a text and have to ask “who is this?” because after a certain period of time, I delete numbers. All of these have happened within the past two weeks.

The other day I received a text from an unknown number asking how I’ve been the past few months. I ask who it is, he gives me a name but it’s such a common name I still don’t know who it is until he gives me the last name. Then he tells me he’s getting divorced and wants to get together for a beer. I wasn’t in a particularly good mood when I received the message, so I’m like great, another one on the rebound, and I’ll get to hear about all of his problems like the rest. All the while, I’m wondering how many other women he’s texting the same thing to. He’s never done anything wrong to me; I’m just over the bullshit with these newly single men.

Also last week, I received a text from someone I hadn’t seen in four years. Four years!! He was from my divorce days when I was into the younger men scene. I recalled all of his texting from back then and how he led me on that we were going to go on a date that evening and suddenly ghosted me – so I reminded him of that. Claiming he is in a different frame of mind now and back to being single, he is looking for something real. I reminded him that our age difference isn’t going to make anything real, and I pretty much know what this is about. His pattern is this: he texts randomly, stops texting or answering questions, then a few days or a week later I’ll hear from him. Then the pattern repeats. We never actually get together, just texting. Who has time for that bullshit? Such a waste of time just chatting about nothing.

Someone I’d met a couple of months ago and never get together in person with also randomly texts me at odd hours… like at 7am – saying things like “I woke up thinking about you today,” which to me, translates to: “I woke up with a hard-on.” I can immediately tell by his texts he wants to sext – but I’m not buying into it. This guy is one of my friend’s neighbors, and we have already determined he’s a player. I know for a fact that he had already texted two other women dick pics and a jerkoff video, so that’s obviously what he’s about. In one day, his texting went from how much he wanted me sexually and kissy faces to complete insults because I told him I didn’t have time to text him morning and night. He insinuated that I didn’t have a “real career” (whatever that means – coming from a spoiled brat) and called me rude for saying I couldn’t text him all the time, then just turned the whole thing around on me. I was at my friend’s house (his neighbor) when this occurred, so we were quite entertained by it all. I said, “Feel free to send me a jerkoff vid or dick pic,” to which he replied that I was a bitch, and “ho be old and drunk”. Suddenly, I was an old drunk ho because I’m too smart to play into his bullshit, but I wasn’t an old drunk ho when he talked about wanting his dick sucked earlier in the day. Just another fuckboy I had to block.

Another guy that texted me recently is someone I’ve known since elementary school. He’s a cop that I don’t trust in the dating realm, and every few months or so he asks what I’m doing, if I’m out, if I’m awake, etc. He also calls me nicknames that I don’t appreciate, and I’ve told him so. Names like “sugar pants” – which I think is completely demeaning and sounds more like a sugar baby hooker or something. Or he calls me names like “trouble” – which is also insulting, because I am not that either. I’ve told him I will answer him when he can call me by my actual name or nothing at all. And he still doesn’t get it.

I just save up all of these texts from fuckboys and use them for blogging material, because that’s about all they’re really worth anyway. Soon, I may be posting some stories from other women friends, because it seems like everyone has some awful dating experience to share.

A Run-In with King Nothing

Over the weekend, our town had a yearly event that my girlfriend and I went to. As soon as we walked into our first stop, King Nothing was standing there. I pretended I didn’t see him, but he purposely bumped into me. I wasn’t sure whether to hit him or twist his nipple (he wasn’t wearing a shirt), but I stopped myself and moved along. (He was the only person in the place not wearing a shirt, which made him look like a complete douche, but he thought he was hot shit.) The only thought that occurred to me after our last exchange was, does he really think I’m going to give into his bullshit? Maybe that’s what other women have done with him, but this one won’t.

As my friend and I were wandering around the place, King Nothing kept showing up near me, and I kept ignoring him… until I felt water on me. I turned around and saw that KN had a squirt gun and thought he was being cute squirting me over and over and over. My friend and I were about to leave anyway, but I thought what a perfect opportunity to dump out the end of my warm beer. As we turned to leave the place, KN was about 5 feet in front of me squirting away. I threw the rest of my beer on his chest, and the surprise on his face was priceless. Everyone else around laughed their asses off, which I’m certain embarrassed his king alpha status. He didn’t look very happy that his king alpha status had been succeeded by a woman.

In the meantime, we exchanged some text messages. Of course, I told him like it is, and he called me psycho. I let him know that’s a typical response from a guy that can’t have his way with me and knows that I’m right… and I’m the QUEEN of that. I haven’t heard back from him since. No big deal. I’m sure I’ll run into him again trying to impress a lady or two or four around town. Maybe next time he sees me he’ll put his tail between his legs where it belongs.

A Date with King Nothing

(**As I write this, I can’t help but sing Metallica’s “King Nothing” in my head.)

I met King Nothing a few months ago on Tinder; he seemed like he might be a good match. Seemed is the key word here. While we had a lot in common and he was within my preferable age range, he claimed he’d been single for a over a year and had been living alone for a year. Initially, I thought he’d said he had been married 13 years, but it turns out I didn’t hear him correctly. It was 23 years – big difference when someone has only been single for a year! And technically, he is still not divorced, but the paperwork has been filed – all part of my “just say no” rules. He assured me that he was definitely over his ex and had already rebounded. Still, my guard was up, because I’d dealt with this too many times before.

King Nothing was in touch with me for a few days and then seemed to have fallen off the earth. When he finally contacted me, he’d said his dad had just died, so we met out to talk about it. I figured he was going through a lot between that and the divorce, so being friends won’t be an issue. We kept in touch a few more weeks, but I left him alone to let him grieve and contact me when he was ready.

I’m very up front about what I want when I’m dating. Not only do I put it on my online dating profiles, I tell people to their faces “this is what I’m looking for,” so there should be no misunderstandings. But bad listeners or narcissists don’t give a rat’s ass one way or another. I was hearing from King Nothing so sporadically and inconsistently, I reminded him that I am looking for something substantial, not just someone randomly texting me when he’s bored and definitely not a booty call. If friendship was all it was going to be, it also has to work both ways. At this point, we hadn’t even kissed anyway, but I didn’t want to invest time with anyone that has no intention of moving forward. And I certainly don’t want to be dating someone that’s screwing around with other women.

Eventually, King Nothing asked me on a “real” date to his house where he was cooking dinner. This was actually shocking; I hadn’t had a man cook me a meal in three years! When I arrived at his house, I was even more shocked, because the place was beautiful and in a prime waterfront location, and I’d only seen the place from the outside. Dinner was good, and conversation was good, even though I’d heard more than enough about his “psycho” ex and all of their problems… another red flag, especially the “psycho ex” that I want no part of. I told him I was going to start charging him $2/minute every time he brought her up, because it was all he talked about each time we got together. We had some drinks, we kissed. I stayed the night so I didn’t have to drive home buzzed, but no sex. I wanted to be sure this guy really liked me and wasn’t playing games.

Again, after the date, I’d hear from King Nothing about every other week. This was a pattern that I knew all too well. I felt I was probably being played, he’s probably dating multiple women with no intention of settling down and moving on. It turns out I was right.

The last time I heard from King Nothing, he asked what I was doing. Since it had been raining nonstop, I replied that I was about to bang my head against the wall with all of the rain and being stuck inside. He replied, “Do you want to bang something else?” I told him I wasn’t interested in being someone’s booty call. He told me to get a sense of humor. I told him I already had one, and that was the last time I heard from him.

So why did I name him King Nothing? He refers to himself on social media as an alpha male (who I also suspect is easily pussy whipped) and a King (capitalized). Then I found out that while King Nothing was “busy” and “dealing with things” during all of those times I wasn’t hearing from him, he’d been consistently seeing and sleeping with other women around town. And not just one or two – several. I had suspected something, but not that. Does he think he’s the King of Women? More like the King of Drama and Bullshit. I had to move on from this guy. If someone is going to be calling himself a King, he’d better damn well know how to treat a lady like a Queen. Where’s your crown, King Nothing?

Why I Don’t Date Cops

When I was in my late 20s I ended up in a phase of dating cops. I guess it started when I came out of a very short but abusive relationship and had to have a restraining order on the person. For whatever reason, I suppose dating cops made me feel “safe,” but I couldn’t have been more wrong. For the most part, every one of them turned out to be liars and cheaters. One in particular turned out to be married with a pregnant wife, even though he claimed he’d never been married. Not too long afterwards, he turned out to be a dirty cop and ended up getting fired and having his name all over the local news.

Recently, I was using the Bumble app to meet people for outdoor activities. I matched with someone that had common interests, but we lived a distance from each other. After chatting with him for a while, I decided I wanted to meet him, because he seemed genuinely nice and said sometimes he comes to my area. He also happened to be a police officer, which usually would turn me off, but he seemed very unlike the typical arrogant nutty cop.

We arranged to meet at a sports bar, and I was immediately both comfortable with and attracted to him – which is really unusual for me. We had a lot in common that I don’t find in other people, and the connection was strong. He complimented me and built me up, told me how much he likes my energy and we agreed that we were both equally connected to one another. He told me how much he liked my artwork and that he’s an art collector. I was also impressed that he’s more intelligent than a lot of men that I meet – that he actually reads books and believes in many of the same spiritual things that I do.

I hadn’t felt this way since I dated OC a year ago, which worried me. I was worried, because I don’t want to be hurt again, and the worry grew when all Sgt. Flip wanted to do was text me and never speak to me on the phone. Now, if someone is working, I can understand if he cannot speak on the phone. But the times he wasn’t working he was busy texting me instead of having a real conversation like an adult. Then it just annoyed me that a middle aged man didn’t want to speak to me for whatever reason but feigned interest in me. I began to notice he was either avoiding some of my questions or didn’t bother reading them or felt it unnecessary to answer me. Who knows. It was two days prior to the arrangement we had made for him to come visit me, and I still didn’t know if he was coming for sure or at what time. He just refused to call me, which I felt was completely odd and shady, and made me think he was with someone else – because that has been my past experience.

By then I grew frustrated, because I felt I was being played. I felt he was playing typical cop games, and I didn’t appreciate someone who supposedly liked me to treat me as such. I mean, how difficult is it to just call someone that you’re making plans to visit? I expressed my concern with him that I clearly see he was avoiding questions, and I was beginning to feel like he’s a typical cop and I don’t have time for games. I let him know that I was suspicious, as any woman would be.

He flipped a switch on me so fast, I thought it was a completely different person I was texting. I guess calling Sgt. Flip out on his bullshit and calling him a typical cop struck a nerve, because then he came back at me full speed. Instead of calling me like a real man would have to straighten out the situation, Sgt. Flip called me a “serial dater who blogs about her screwed up dating experiences like a wannabe ‘Sex in the City’ character.” He claimed he’d been completely honest with me and now I’m “throwing away a completely honest guy.” And then Sgt. Flip said this: “your writing is awful and your ‘art’ is even worse. Sorry, not sorry. You’re blocked.”

Wow. I wasn’t throwing anyone away – I simply wanted  Sgt. Flip to call me the way a man who is truly interested in me and cared about me would. So I guess he was fake liking me the entire time and fake liked my art? I suppose he was faking that he was even coming to visit me at all, since he decided it was okay not to call me and have a conversation about it. I hadn’t even realized he bothered to read my blog, because he never once mentioned it to me… (which is obviously far from Sex in the City, since there is NO sex in my blog…) also making me wonder if he actually read the content.

I’ve been single for four and a half years after having been married for eight, so yeah, I date people, because that’s what single people do, right? It’s not like dating is fun. I just haven’t found the right person, and after this incident, I don’t really care to meet anyone anymore. It just seems like a lot of work, a lot of unnecessary games, and a complete waste of time and energy for a shitty result.

Anyone that knows me and truly understands me and my writing and all of the bullshit I’ve dealt with would never say those hurtful words to me. All of this all because I wanted a phone call, and Sgt. Flip couldn’t handle that. And that is why I don’t date cops.