Raped By a Drunk Cowboy

Call it what you want – sexual assault, sexual coercion, rape – it’s WRONG.

Submitted by: Anonymous

There was a guy in town some of us knew as “Drunk Cowboy” because he frequented local bars, wore  a cowboy hat, and sang karaoke. I assumed he was probably an alcoholic, because he got loud in the establishments and started acting pretty stupid. I’d spoken to him a few times, and we had mutual acquaintances. Most women thought he was a good looking guy, but he had too many issues for my taste and totally not my type.

One evening I went to happy hour and Drunk Cowboy sat next to me. We chatted a bit and he picked up my tab, which I thought was nice. By the time I was ready to leave, I realized I needed to call an Uber, because I was too tipsy to drive. Drunk Cowboy offered me a ride, since he was heading in my direction. I obliged, thinking nothing of it, because in a small town, people often give each other rides. Plus, I hadn’t heard anything bad about him from anyone else.

I realized I was hungry when we got to my place, so I invited him in for some pizza I was going to cook. There was nothing strange about the encounter. There was no flirting (at least I didn’t see it), no kissing, no touching. It was simply two people sharing a pizza and shooting the shit.

Drunk Cowboy decided he was too drunk to leave, so I agreed for him to sleep on the other side of my bed. I kept my clothing on completely – long pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I recall falling asleep quickly, as I was exhausted and the alcohol made me more tired. At some point – and I’m unsure of how long I’d been asleep, I awoke to Drunk Cowboy feeling me up and attempting to take my pants off. I tried moving my body around, moving his hands away, saying no. I recall saying “no, no, no, please no” over and over. I know he heard me, but he ignored me. I had no intention of having sex with him or anything else. I wasn’t turned on. He wouldn’t stop, and I was too weak to fight him off. He was on top of me holding my legs down with either his legs or hand, I coudn’t tell. He entered me, had sex with me for a few minutes, came inside of me, rolled over, put his clothes back on, and went back to sleep.

At first I thought I was having a nightmare, but it was real, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay there stunned and not knowing what to do. I felt like a wounded animal and blamed myself for allowing someone I barely knew into my home and bed. I blamed myself, because I was too drunk to fight back.

The day after it happened, I didn’t leave my house. I couldn’t take a long enough hot shower to wash away the awful feelings. I worried about having an STD. I had bruises on my inner thigh that appeared to be a handprint. I felt like total shit. I canceled a date a day or so later that I had been looking forward to, because I couldn’t face anyone or be myself. I felt numb. I stopped shaving for a few weeks until I couldn’t stand it anymore – but I knew no one would be feeling my legs or anything else anytime soon. I wanted no one to touch me. I was just healing from other issues in my life. This set me back again, I felt. I told one trusted friend, because I had to get it out, but no one else until now.

I haven’t seen or heard from Drunk Cowboy again, although we don’t have each other’s phone numbers either. I have avoided the last place I saw him and any other places I may see him. I really have nothing to say to him, because I’m pretty sure he’s the type of guy that would either say it was consensual or just deny it. I really don’t care if I ever see him again. But I do wonder if he’s done this to anyone else in my town.

Nonconsensual Sex with a Partner?

Recently, I had a conversation with some female friends about how annoying it is when we’re asleep, and our partner wakes us up to have sex. Not just wakes us, but wakes us up out of a dead sleep, rubbing us, poking us, or whatever it takes to get our attention – even if it means flipping us around to gain entrance – even when we push them away. All of us agreed that it’s not only annoying, it pisses us off – and it’s disturbing. If a man thinks his penis is more important than our need for sleep and consent, something is seriously wrong with him. I don’t care how long you’ve known each other or how long you’ve been together.

I do know this, however – our culture has raised women to believe we owe the man something just because he’s our partner or maybe because he took us on a few dates. Not only our culture, but religions that tell its followers that a woman must keep her man satisfied, even if it makes her unhappy. It’s total bullshit. I personally know women that have given in to a man’s wishes just to shut him up, satisfy him, keep him happy, etc. I’m sure some women reading this have done the same; I have been just as guilty in the past. Turn the tables around, and if a man doesn’t want sex, he’s just not going to have it. Period.

Personally, I think it’s “rapey” for a man to do these things. One friend said it’s not “rapey” – it’s just rape. It’s disgusting. Another friend said this:

“Such a man has no respect for his partner. He’s selfish and only thinks of his own desires. Nobody owes anyone else sex – ever. Fullstop. If this guy is so horny, he can easily go to another room and take care of his own problem without disturbing his sleeping partner. Where are these guys learning about intimate relationships, porn?”

Another woman’s opinion:

“He can take care of himself in the bathroom. Know my answer would have been different when I was young, but at this point not doing anything that I’m not into.”

From a friend that has dealt with the same issue:

“My ex used to do that to the point that eventually he bent me over and had his way while i was out in my studio and took what he wanted anyway. Its called nonconsensual sex. It should NEVER happen and a real man would get that.”

Try to get a man to do something he doesn’t want to do – and I’m not talking about mowing the lawn or fixing the toilet – and it’s not going to happen. So why is it okay for some men to think it’s okay to wake a sleeping partner for their own selfish gratification or demand something from women they supposedly like or love to satisfy their wants? It’s barbaric and gross – and men need to be taught that women are humans, not objects for their worldly desires.

A Stolen Life – Jaycee Dugard’s Memoir

If you’re looking to read a great story, continue reading.

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I just finished the life story of Jaycee Lee Dugard – her memoir titled A Stolen Life. I checked the book out from the library on Thursday and finished it last night. It was difficult to put down. There were also many difficult and emotionally disturbing parts to read without tearing up.

Jaycee was kidnapped in 1991 when she was only 11 years old. Her kidnapper was a convicted rapist whose wife helped him with the kidnapping. (I won’t even mention their names in this because they don’t deserve to be on my blog.) Jaycee was basically enslaved for the next 18 years, enduring rape and sexual abuse, mental and emotional abuse, and manipulation. Unfortunately, the legal system failed her, as there were several instances in which she could have been rescued. In the book, Jaycee recounts everything she remembered about the day of her kidnapping and what she remembered in between. She was rescued in 2009, along with the two girls she’d given birth to during her captivity. But Jaycee’s story wasn’t over even after her rescue. She was subjected to media scrutiny and paparazzi harassment. Imagine spending 18 years of your life as a prisoner and then having to deal with those heartless idiots!

I was surprised that Jaycee seemed as intelligent as she was, especially since her education stopped at fifth grade. She seems to have a heart of gold and still has the innocence of that 11 year old girl that was kidnapped years ago. Surprisingly, Jaycee is incredibly forgiving of what was done to her, which is something that all of us could learn to do.